There are discoveries and turning points along the way in every painting. One of the most difficult is when you run into something you like. Do you let it go by painting over it, which many an art teacher would advise — nothing can be “precious.” Or do you stop because you can, even though it isn’t where you thought the painting was “supposed” to get to.
I just ran into this problem. I’m painting the next to last painting in the “Phil” series. I’ve done the figure sketch. I’ve filled in the negative space. I’ve done color painting, added darks, redefined shapes, submerged and re-emerged the figure. I’ve discovered other “figures” in the “space between.” I’ve added color washes, more line definition, more definition of shapes with transparent and opaque paint — including white — all the things I’m supposed to do using my “alphabet.”
But this 6th of 7 paintings is staying dark and defined — and abstract. Instead of breaking through the lines, everything is getting more and more defined. Even as I paint over original structures the new structures keep emphasizing the construction of the figures.
Is this the direction the “Phil” series is going? More defined figures — and as trios? I sit and reflect back to the experience of drawing the model. What was in the studio with us? Something dark. Some other presence. Is this intentional? Or is some other “voice” speaking to me?
I step back and see a painting I like. It feels very expressive of an authentic part of me. It appears at first to be derivative of a Matisse cut out figure. Or maybe a little Marsden Hartley or David Park. Always a little Picasso and de Kooning. And some Constructivism thrown in. All things I like.
Certainly other paintings in this series have gone though a stage like this, but, there is something different.
Something I like.
An “odd man out” painting. They have happened before. Or am I just being afraid to let go of something I like? Pushing my limits is part of the process. Letting the good and the bad go and having faith that there will be other moments worthy of expression — “better” solutions to the problems being presented on the canvas.
But, I did do an extra “Phil” sketch (7 instead of 6) so maybe my unconscious knew I had an “odd man out” painting in me that was needing to be expressed.
We’ll see. When I get back to the studio today who knows how I’ll feel.